My life has been so surreal of late and I sat in my lounge today wondering where the last three years have gone. I know all that has happened but sometimes it feels as if I am bystander in my own life. Death can make you act totally out of character and I find myself
wanting to go back to the safety of living at home when Mum was always there for a cuddle, she seemed to know how to put the world to rights as only a Mum can. She was the true matriarch of our family.
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| Christmas Day 2013 |
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| Invoice |
Three days ago (11th January) we heard of the sad passing of the legend that is David Bowie, a person who touched everyones life in some way and everyone has a memory or story that they can share about him. Like a lot of people I shed a tear or two and to pass the day we decided to do a mini clear out and tip run, a clear out seems to clarify my muddled mind.
While going through some bits and pieces I found the invoice from The
Connaught Hotel in Mayfair Mum's last Christmas present to me for us to stay there for Christmas in 2013. It was a true Downton Abbey experience right down to having our own butler John.
Looking back it's as if Mum knew that it was her last year; she often said that she wouldn't see another birthday and like most people I just dismissed as nonsense.
During her 90th year she had achieved so much that she wanted to. On her birthday Karen and I took
Mum to Claridge's Hotel in London for a festive afternoon tea.
I think that's what gave her the idea for Christmas at The Connaught. She also celebrated her 90th birthday with a party for her closest friends and family. She went up the Shard with her granddaughters and learnt she was going to be a great-grandmother for the first time. During that last year she put her will and funeral plans in order. I now wish I had taken more notice.
2014 is a year I just want to forget, the stroke, the fighting with family, the care home and then her funeral and afterwards dealing with the Co-op Funeral Service and getting a settlement because they lost Mum's wedding ring which Mum had left me in her will. Being appointed her executor and dealing with everything that that involves. I don't regret any decisions I made during that period except one and that was because I wanted a easy life and didn't want another fight with my family. Mum was a big Duran Duran fan and her favourite songs were Save A Prayer and Hungry Like The Wolf. Mum had mentioned at Christmas that she would like one of those tracks played at her funeral but unfortunately had not put that in documentation that Mum had left with her solicitor but she hoped that I would try to do it, but because of all the fights I had had with my family while she was ill I just couldn't face another round and chickened out and now I am angry with myself for letting others get to me.
Most of 2015 was spent in the main sorting Mum's estate and so I didn't have
much time for grieving. A year after her death and suddenly things had slowed down allowing me the time to gather by thoughts. It's rather strange but lately I have gone to phone Mum and at the last minute remembered she is no longer here.
People say the first year is the hardest when someone has died I disagree. I have found it much harder to cope since Mum's first anniversary and I miss her more than ever. It may just be that if you are the executor you are so busy you just simply don't have the time to stop and grieve. I am lucky that I have wonderful friends that have helped and supported me through this process.
I sometimes have a gut feeling about things but right now I'm happy to go with the flow. For the first time in two years I feel strangely tranquil and actually do not dread what the
next day will bring.
Apart from my disability awareness work I am Mum to our 9 month old kitten Abby Luna or "Abby", She is the most loving cat always wants cuddles but does has a mischievous side as well. There is also Maisie our 12 year old tabby who is affectionate but on her terms but loves to just curl up in a nice warm place. So for now I'm content.
While going through some bits and pieces I found the invoice from The
Connaught Hotel in Mayfair Mum's last Christmas present to me for us to stay there for Christmas in 2013. It was a true Downton Abbey experience right down to having our own butler John.
Looking back it's as if Mum knew that it was her last year; she often said that she wouldn't see another birthday and like most people I just dismissed as nonsense.
During her 90th year she had achieved so much that she wanted to. On her birthday Karen and I took
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| Mum, Karen &Me at Claridge's |
2014 is a year I just want to forget, the stroke, the fighting with family, the care home and then her funeral and afterwards dealing with the Co-op Funeral Service and getting a settlement because they lost Mum's wedding ring which Mum had left me in her will. Being appointed her executor and dealing with everything that that involves. I don't regret any decisions I made during that period except one and that was because I wanted a easy life and didn't want another fight with my family. Mum was a big Duran Duran fan and her favourite songs were Save A Prayer and Hungry Like The Wolf. Mum had mentioned at Christmas that she would like one of those tracks played at her funeral but unfortunately had not put that in documentation that Mum had left with her solicitor but she hoped that I would try to do it, but because of all the fights I had had with my family while she was ill I just couldn't face another round and chickened out and now I am angry with myself for letting others get to me.
Most of 2015 was spent in the main sorting Mum's estate and so I didn't have
People say the first year is the hardest when someone has died I disagree. I have found it much harder to cope since Mum's first anniversary and I miss her more than ever. It may just be that if you are the executor you are so busy you just simply don't have the time to stop and grieve. I am lucky that I have wonderful friends that have helped and supported me through this process.
I sometimes have a gut feeling about things but right now I'm happy to go with the flow. For the first time in two years I feel strangely tranquil and actually do not dread what the
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| Abby taken 10th January 2016 |
Apart from my disability awareness work I am Mum to our 9 month old kitten Abby Luna or "Abby", She is the most loving cat always wants cuddles but does has a mischievous side as well. There is also Maisie our 12 year old tabby who is affectionate but on her terms but loves to just curl up in a nice warm place. So for now I'm content.
